Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
