where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
