You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
