Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
