once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
