i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
