Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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