fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
