3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize