I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize