I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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