He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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