I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A+ Viking dick
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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