I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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