Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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