Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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