I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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