Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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