You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
