Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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