I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
