Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
