Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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