Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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