so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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