the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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