fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize