If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
