I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
