Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
