I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
