I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize