dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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