I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
