From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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