She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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