Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
