My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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