Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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