She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
