So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
