Pappa wants mamma naked
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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