There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize