everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
