SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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