Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
