you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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