we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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