I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
