did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
