literally had 100 drinks last night.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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