is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
