Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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