his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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