if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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