THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
