I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
