Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize