I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
