My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
