I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
