He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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