aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
