you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize