Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
