I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
