I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we made out on top of his cat.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
