I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
